Your Life

Anger Management

Anger... we all know what it is. The British Association of Anger Management says 80% of people believe Britain is becoming angrier!

So how can we deal with anger?

We're often victims of our feelings and emotions. Because of anger, we can fall out with our friends, experience classroom disturbances or violence at home or at work, and all sorts of other things. Because of one angry outburst, we can destroy a relationship with a good friend in seconds. Most of the time, by getting angry, we end up worse off than we were before.

If you are an angry person:

If you are an angry person, it takes a lot of courage for you to admit the situation and get to the bottom of what's really working you up.

First of all, lots of experts say that if you feel angry about something, it's better to let your anger out and show it, rather than bottle it up. Keeping anger inside you can affect your physical health. Some research has linked it to heart disease. On the other hand, how do you let your anger out in a way which doesn't make the situation worse? You don't really want to destroy your relationships with others, be offensive or get in trouble, do you?

Here are some tips:

1. Find out what really annoys you. Make a quick list if it helps. Lots of times, we express anger towards something or someone, but the reason we're angry is actually due to something entirely different. It's just still on our minds from earlier in the day, or even a previous day. There's a saying, "Don't let the sun set on your troubles". This means try to sort out your problems quickly and don't bear a grudge.

2. Are some of the things on your list just silly things? Maybe you can ignore them without too much trouble. When others make mistakes, remember that we ALL do things which are inappropriate and thoughtless, from time to time. It's just part of life. It's human.

3. Now, for the serious things that annoy you. Sure, you gain some feeling of power by being angry, but remember that anger actually hurts you a lot more than it hurts others. This is basically because other people may not like or respect you, and may learn to ignore you or start avoiding you, or (worse still) start deliberately working you up in future for a laugh. Remember that in life, you win some and lose some. No matter how much you want to, you can't change the whole world. Even if you're right, some people won't see it and there's nothing you can do about it. Try to accept that and not let it annoy you.

4. There's actually a lot you can do. If you want to really change something, there are often good ways to get what you want. You just need to approach the problem in the right way. People tend to cooperate when you respect them. Use your head.

5. The quickest and easiest way to get rid of anger is just to take a few deep breaths, and take a moment to compose yourself.

If you are a victim of anger:

If you are a victim of anger, it also takes a lot of courage not to just fight back (to fight anger with more anger), or start feeling guilty or ashamed of yourself.

Being a victim of anger is like being a victim of bullying. You may have done something wrong but that doesn't mean you deserve to be treated badly. You have no need to feel ashamed. Everyone makes mistakes. It's human. As mentioned above, it might actually be that someone is worked up about something else - something entirely outside your control - and you're just in the wrong place at the wrong time!

But if you are the cause of the anger, try to realise that the best way of dealing with it is by not being angry back. A simple "Ok - sorry" defuses a lot of tension. And try to learn from the situation - maybe the other person has a fair point. Maybe there is something you can do differently next time. Maybe the person showing anger towards you just needs your extra support. Once things have calmed down, you could try to explain to that person the best way of talking to you in future. After all, you showed strength by not reacting badly the first time, but after 10 times will you be able to avoid exploding? Probably not!

If you are suffering because you are a victim of anger, and there doesn't seem to be any way out of it, get help and advice from your friends and parents (or colleagues and manager if the problem is at work). Don't feel isolated. For you, the saying, "Don't let the sun set on your troubles" is just as relevant!

Now it's your turn!

We want to hear from you. What are your views about anger?

We'll try to feature the best comments on this page.


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